Grandad, I can smell you …

Around Christmas 2014, I messaged my friend Andrew with a quote from my son.  It was something odd and Star Wars related, along the lines of: “Who’s inside me?  You know, like Darth Vader.  Who’s face is inside me?  Is it Luke Skywalker?”

Anyway, Andrew suggested that I write down all these classics, to remember and look back on over the years.  And so I did.

We’ve laughed re-reading them this year, no-one more so than my son who thinks his past self is hilarious.  Maybe you will to.

So here is a selection of our favourite quotes from my 4 year old son, 2015 …


  • “Erin kissed me on the hand today.”


“I don’t really need my trousers on.” [at nursery]20131010_092036


“Why did the tree bang his head? … Cos he was in the sky!”


“I dressed as a nurse at pre-school today.”


“I’d like to go to Grandad’s today, but if he’s boring I’ll play with his lego.”


“I’ve done so much poo I could build a house.”


“Today, Daddy, I’ve been on the naughty step.”


“Grandad, I can smell you.” [Outside the bathroom]


“We did B for Bear at school today, you know, like bare naked.”


“Daddy, I’ve been at Lola’s party, look …” [waving a wand and wearing a tiara]


“Why did the elephant cross the road? … Cos he didn’t have any money!”


“Can I have garlic bread for breakfast?” [after spending the night throwing up]


“I spy with my little eye, something beginning with … curly c.”


“Daddy when you kissed me, your beard felt like fish-fingers.”


“Joey’s Mum said I could have whatever I wanted for lunch, so I asked for Coco Pops on toast.”


“Dad I’ve got something to tell you, its nothing to do with your birthday though ….. we’re getting the biscuits you like for your birthday.”


“I wish my winkle was big so it could reach my belly button.”


“School is Cool!” [first day at infants]


“Does your one have glasses? … [No] … Oh, my one does.”  [playing Guess Who]


“I’m never sleepy. I’m never hungry.  I’m only thirsty.  Always thirsty.”


“I ate the burger at school today, but not the middle bit.” [i.e. the bun, not the burger]


“They asked what job you do, so I said you work at a swimming pool in Manchester.” [I’m a Systems Developer in Mansfield]


“Can I wear my underpants as well as my pyjamas? Pleeeeease!”


“I’d like a big brother one day. We could call him Jamal and he could sit next to me at the dinner table.”


“I licked Ernesto today so he chased me and pushed me over.”


“You know when you’re eating and you think there’s another bit left but you bite your tongue instead?”


“I need a poo and I touched it to see if it was real.”


“I can hear Santa on the roof!” [Christmas Eve]


“My stocking is still empty!” [Christmas Eve]


“Dad, I just saw you putting a new Scooter in the dining room.” [11:30pm, Christmas Eve]


“Dad … I think maybe Mummy is Father Christmas.”






Author of the Sixty Minute Reads series. 60 minutes, 60 chapters. AMAZON UK AMAZON USA

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